And so the light went on and it hurts. More than loosing him, it hurts not to be in Love anymore. It hurts not to swim in the pink ocean of endless joy and infinite inspiration for life. It hurts to see his inabilities and my flaws. It hurts so see that the warrior inside me is still ready to fight for Love. But essentially I wish to fight for Love itself, and not the aspects that supposedly create Love.
The triggers of pain revealing old karma, have us switch from fear of commitment, to fear of abandonment. These contradictory switches occur because one part of the soul is ready to heal the karma, and yet another part of the soul is unwilling because it didn’t work out in a previous life and so the hope has faded…
It is funny to see how we are light beings, seeking the light and therefore seeking to see more clearly. And yet many times when we are presented clear insights, there is a part of us that just longs to be in the illusion, longs to be oblivious and content in denial. It is so cozy there; so warm and fluffy. Why did I choose to become more aware and awake in this lifetime? Why can I not just have a simple life, with an ordinary relationship, and believe that happiness is limited? Why do I need to strive for healing, balance, authentic love, truth and alignment?
Am I asking for too much? No. On the contrary – I am not asking for enough. Clearly. Why else would I end up in the space I find myself in now? Having sacrificed too many essential aspects of myself and having received too little recognition. The time has come for me to truly integrate these insights and experiences of joy and pain. And within that, see that the dream is still being dreamt, the love is still flowing and the hopes allow the vision to upgrade to a grander scale. The time has come to ask for more. More of what I truly desire, so that I can find healing, balance, authentic love, truth and alignment within a relationship.
It was not the first time I was in a relationship with a karmic-soul-connection. This time, however, it definitely gave me deeper insights of what this truly means. A karmic relationship is a romantic bond that you form with someone in your soul group in order to heal unhealthy patterns that have been formed in past lives. Usually karmic bonds are formed with fireworks. Intense love, passion, easy flow and deep feelings of having known this person forever.
Seven years ago I met a young man on the streets of Amsterdam. I asked him for directions as I had lost my way. This meeting was a serendipity – a gift by accident. Had I asked another, would I have missed my change of meeting my partner? It felt like fait. His Colombian spark enchanted me deeply and together we lived the most ecstatic and love-filled summer. He moved back to Canada, and months later I immigrated to be with him. The story, unfortunately, ended with lots of misunderstandings and pain.
This year I was again enchanted by a Colombian charm. Again, the meeting was a serendipity. Our encounter was again filled with a deep sense of fait; all the signs and synchronicity’s revealed that it was meant to be. And again I crossed borders to be with him and live in his country. Of course these external similarities are merely scratching the surface of what these karmic-bonds were all about. Deep deep wounds got triggered. And therefore great opportunities of healing were within hand-reach.
But before I explain what that meant for me with these men, I want to give deeper insights of how you can recognize if your connection is karmic and what challenges are attached to these kinds of relationships.
When you meet someone you have a karmic connection with, a spark of recognition ignites your soul. You will feel an embodied familiarity and a deep sense of home. You will feel a connection that goes way beyond what you actually say and do together. Something profound appears to be bubbling under the surface.
In a karmic relationship, both people come together to break a pattern that has transcended many lifetimes. We all incarnate with unhealthy patterns. We may realize aspects of these traits, but surely a partner is the most obvious reflection of ourselves. They help us realize these patterns more clearly by bringing them to the surface, directly, fiercely, without resistance, bam in your face! Yes!
Karmic relationships are the opposite of peaceful love – they can be chaotic, filled with lots of movements and changes, they can be hot and sexy or heavy, emotional and stressful. This is because karmic relationships are fueled by lifetimes of passion and unhealed pain.
A foundation of deep Love
In my personal experience with these two relationships I felt hypnotized by the deep sense of being understood. In both cases I felt like I had been waiting for so long to be with someone who speaks my language, and grant me a deeper sense of home. We would have the most amazing spiritual experiences in our love-making, and more and more did it seem like life was being highlighted through all the experiences we shared together.
This initial base of deep Love is normal for a karmic relationship – the connection is old and therefore the Love deep. In my understanding this gives great opportunity for a solid foundation, as very soon into a karmic connection painful wounds and old habits start to surface. You have it in you to trigger him in the most painful ways. And he has it in him to trigger you.
You both switch from wanting it all – marriage and being together forever – to shutting down, being afraid of commitment and wanting to run away. The triggers of pain revealing old karma, have us switch from fear of commitment, to fear of abandonment. These contradictory switches occur because one part of the soul is ready to heal the karma, and yet another part of the soul is unwilling because it didn’t work out in a previous life and so the hope has faded.
So, if we failed in the past, why should this time be any different? Because this time you have the potential to understand that your karmic relationship is teaching you a lesson that could transform your life for the better.
As pain is expressed, old soul bonds and contracts are brought to the surface for opportunity of healing. For this reason, karmic relationships are an opportunity for you and your partner to heal what has not been healed in previous lifetimes. Karma has to be compelling and addictive, otherwise you wouldn’t learn anything from it. Its only purpose is to teach, so you can become more whole.
Recognize that this significant person has stepped into your life as a powerful force. To heal with each other, through each other and because of each other. Here lies the opportunity to free yourself from an endless loop of negative behavior patterns. Using the base of that deep love and deep recognition to build on.
The spiritual warrior is the one who holds the sword of truth and cuts out all that is preventing her from loving more deeply. The spiritual warrior is empowered by her core values and knows that those are the best weapons one can posses.
Essentially it takes two to tango. You may feel like a spiritual warrior, but you cannot teach the lessons the other is not ready to learn. Only they can do that. What is important is that you take responsibility for your own actions and your own wounds. Recognize where the pain resides within your being and find the courage to take charge over your situation in a conscious way. Be clear about your needs and wishes, align yourself with your beliefs and values, and most importantly, forgive yourself.
It is also okay to recognize that you are ready to drop the sword and bring out the white flag. A karmic encounter does not imply we need to fight until we overcome. We just need to be aware and clear and see what outcome is serving the situation at its best. Recognition of the karma itself is the opportunity for healing we are looking for. All we need to do is sincerely step into the healing of this karma. With or without our karmic-soul-connection.
Take your time to reflect and integrate to break your own karmic patterns for yourself. Find peace in the teachings that have come to the surface through this relationship. Realize what true Love means to you, and realize what it does not imply. When you truly heal the pain you carry, you open to experiencing the love you truly deserve.