Once upon a time there was a young woman called Miss Perfect. She had the perfect body, the perfect hair and always knew what to wear for which occasion. She could be sexy one day, and really down to earth the next. Her feminine sensuality and power allowed her to be the child, the mother, the virgin and the lover all in the same moment. It was intimidating for both men and women, and yet she carried herself with a particular grace and softness that would attract people like a magnet.
So much in fact, that sometimes she would get overwhelmed. “Wow, everyone needs something from me” she would think. On the one hand being flattered, and on the other hand desperately screaming for everyone to just let her be.
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I have become so Perfect that nobody can truly meet me, because I don’t let them meet me. I seek exactly that which I am preventing myself to receive. My standards are so high for myself, that I reflect those standards out into the world around me…
Patience & Presence
Of course Miss Perfect wouldn’t be Miss Perfect if she didn’t handle it all with patience and presence. Giving where she could give. Caring where she could care. Her assertiveness being one of her greatest gifts, she had no troubles rejecting people in the most humble and loving way. Somehow it had become her speciality. When she needed space, she asked for it. Revealing her authentic self and vulnerable needs of silence.
One day Miss Perfect got a bit upset. She questioned herself – “if there really is a law of attraction, and I attract what I reflect, then why am I not surrounded by perfect people?“
How come my friends change their plans spontaneously, forget to communicate about it, and expect me to always be flexible? And that when I myself am always so clear and communicative about any alteration in life’s flow? How come I am there to listen to every detail of my partners issue – literally I would drop everything I am doing to provide him the support he needs. And yet, when I share my heart, I don’t feel heard? And how come everyone comes to me for advice and guidance, and when for once I ask for something, it seems like the only who truly can give me the wisdom I seek, is myself?
What am I doing wrong?
Three days and three nights passed. She watched the sunrises and sunsets from her garden, and felt almost glued to the same spot. Unable to move – tormented by this heavy burden. She needed to find out what she was doing wrong.
“ What am I doing wrong? ”
“ What am I doing wrong? ”
“ What am I doing wrong? ”
Her mind was looping over the same question over and over again… When the next daybreak fell, and the first rays of the sun began to warm the world, it was like her own inner light flicked on as well. “I got it!” she screamed. She didn’t know whether to be sad or joyous about her realization…
“What I am doing wrong, is thinking I am doing something wrong…”
“I have become so Perfect that nobody can truly meet me, because I don’t let them meet me. I seek exactly that which I am preventing myself to receive. My standards are so high for myself, that I reflect those standards out into the world around me.”
For a moment Miss Perfect fell into a deep silence of contemplation. She saw her intelligence, wisdom and drive to live life to the fullest. She saw her eagerness to live her purpose to the max, whilst being compassionately driven to face herself – her shadows and challenges – to heal herself deeply and evolve into an even more Perfect Being. She communicates well, supports with an open heart, has courage to take big steps in life; fearlessly facing the unknown and always being real and honest in the midst.
And… Whilst handeling life in this Perfect manner. Miss Perfect always manages to remain perfectly humble, perfectly patient and perfectly managing everything that needs managing. Not asking for anything from anyone. Knowing exactly how to do it herself…
Cutting the vow of perfection
These realizations could not be reversed. Now that she knew, she had no other choice than to act on it, for she had been living in denial for far too long. It was there and then that she cut the vow of Perfection. And decided a moment later to make a new vow.
A vow of True Honesty…
True Honesty would guide her to seeing her imperfect beauty without shame, without judgement, without comparison. She felt the wings of her heart spread wide open. “Yes, I trust” she whispered. What else is there to do, but to trust the process anyway?
She understood that True Honesty also meant seeing the judgement and comparison she put upon people around her. Friends, family and others she loved. “Now that I stop being so hard on myself, I will stop expecting the best of others and truly open to receiving Love. In whatever form it comes to me”.
“All those times I didn’t feel heard or supported, was because I was not open to receive their imperfect reflections of wisdom. All those times someone tried to hold me, but I never felt held in the way that I know how to hold someone. Now I see, I didn’t allowed it. It didn’t allow it in any other way than what I thought I needed.”
She understood ‘control’ had her tied down. And all she truly wanted was to feel free and to have those she cared for, feel utterly free too.
By cutting the vow of Perfection I open myself up to receiving.
Receiving… truly it is the deepest, most intimate whisper of my heart. I long to feel I can be 100% in surrender. I long to feel that hand on my lower back as I cry from deep painful places within my being. I long to give others the trust they deserve, so that they feel free enough to share their advices and guidance. Only through this authentic gesture will they truly feel respected for who they are and for what they give. And only through this authentic gesture will the love be reflected into the receptive space I so deeply long for. That is true intimacy.”
I am ready to face my Naked and Pure self. I am ready to watch my behavior as I interact with others. I will confront myself, I will challenge myself. I am ready to fall flat on my face and get up again. I am ready to feel awkward and to learn how to relax into the discomfort. I am ready for a deeper connection with the peace and love that resides in my heart.
I will reveal my tears and laughter, unashamed. I will share my suffering, my healing, my insights, as well as my power and grace. I am ready to embrace myself fully and truly. And therefore embrace you too.
I embrace True Intimacy. With myself, my real self…
and with you…
Podcast background music by Oscar Cortes Leal.