My first tantric experience happened right after I walked away from an abusive relationship. At the time I was so broken down – spiritually and emotionally – that my survival mechanism of denial kicked in. I was in denial of how hurt and unstable I was. I was in denial of all that had happened in that relationship.
Instead I went to Thailand (I was living in India at the time), and sought to reconnect with a part of my femininity that had been shut down completely.
I wasn’t looking for a connection as such, but when I met this man it was clear that this was the exact medicine I needed. A sensitive man, empowered, wise and free. A man who approached me with the utmost care and presence. Who respected me, listened to me and touched me in ways I didn’t know I had longed for, until this moment arrived.
My first connection to tantra wasn’t through books, tutorials or mental comprehension. It was guided in silence and understood by my body. It was as though I was speaking a forgotten language – one I knew so well, and all I needed was to be reminded.
I listened with all my senses expanded. I could feel how he felt me, and from which place within himself he was connecting with me. He listened deeper than anyone who had every listened to me. I watched him feel the most subtle whispers of my sexual flow.
And so I opened up to the infinite unfolding of surrender, as it lead me into the heart of the never-ending layers of the orgasmic life-force. As he guided me, it was the ripples of my pleasure that guided him ultimately.
Only God knows why I was gifted with this precious encounter before needing to integrate my previous poisonous relationship. The year that followed was dark and deep. I went into full healing-mode. Celibate, determined, and ready to change the course of my intimate interactions.
The tantric seed was planted. And so the path opened up when the right moment arrived. The right teachings and trainings came, as well as the right partners. Partners who essentially have been my greatest masters in this entire journey.
Life has always taught me that when you’re ready, it will come to you. Just stop looking, stop searching. Instead – trust in your heart and in the path before you.
And let it come to you…