Hypothetically, let’s say that your past experiences show the results of people who are less than trustworthy. You long for trusting connections, and somehow believe that “one day” it will just magically appear. But even when there are hunches of these kinda moments, you poke the trust with a sharp object, just to see if it truly is “trust”.
Your control is that sharp object. It’s the control that keeps you were you don’t wanna be.
Do you realise that it’s your own attitude that sabotages the preferred outcome?
It’s easier to blame the other or the circumstances. But in actuality it’s those triggering moments that offer an opportunity for something different. Yet it depends on YOUR attitude.
If the attitude doesn’t change, the outcome remains the same (untrustworthy situations and people).
Control is like an invisible layer wrapped around your carefully constructed behavioural patterns. The kind that reveal your generosity, your giving nature, your fluidity in communication etc. Control is this sneaky sticky substance that is hard to notice (even more-so in yourself), because it is often unnoticeable at first glance.
The purpose of control is to get to where you wanna get to.
its those subliminal mannerisms that control the movements of the other. Their reaction or action that moves in the direction of the expected outcome. It’s the way you project conditions onto the other – how (s)he needs to behave, when and why.
Somehow you convinced yourself that this is the calculated mathematical way of getting to a desired outcome. The outcome of safety, the outcome of trust, the outcome of a deeper intimate connection.
And yet… it is the EXACT way of repeating failure or disappointment.
The thing is, life cannot be predicted or calculated. People are not as straightforward as numbers. Neither are situations and how they are affected by the presence of more than one person.
It’s all in the hands of mystery. And the gentle dancing with the energetic alchemy of any moment.
What do I mean by that? Trust simply CANNOT be controlled.
If you want trust, you gotta drop control.
Trust can only come when you give it space.
Not the kind that says “I now give you space, therefore you have to act as such, and so we mutually determine there is trust”.
But the real space. The loving spacious kinda space. The space that is both “detached” as well as “sincerely connected”. The space that is not forced, but given. It holds the vibration of “allowing” what ever it is that wants to unfold.
Often it’s not about what you think you want. But rather giving the space to permit the unfolding of what you truly need.
In other words – the only way to get trust is by risking it. You can’t wait for the other to initiate it. That could take life times. You initiate it, you’re the creator, you’re the one holding the magic wand you so often ignore. You’re the one who decides whether you move into the direction of your well phrased intentions.
Don’t just speak your prayer.
And allow yourself to be surprised…