Nalaya | What REALLY turns you on?
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What REALLY turns you on?

What REALLY turns you on?

The pleasure you are able to experience with another, depends on the sexual connection you have with yourself. I strongly believe that exploring yourself, your body, and knowing EXACTLY what turns you on, is an essential key to having a greater orgasmic capacity when navigating this space with a lover or beloved.


In the work I do with my clients, I always emphasise on doing particular tantric practices with yourself first. Love yourself like a true lover would. Get to know your sexual consciousness with care and attention. Learn to listen in order to see how this energy moves, what it requires to expand, and what it requires to calm down or be directed.


This exploration is essential if you desire to become more orgasmic and experience a deeper sense of connection during love-making.



Sexuality and what is considered “sexy” is something very personal. Sometimes it is hard to really listen to your own desires, because culture, society, Hollywood movies, radio music and the media are constantly imposing onto us what is considered arousing.


In order to start your own exploration of what truly turns you on, here are a few suggestions:


1. Explore your own body, slowly and intentionally

Masturbation can be so much more than just aiming for an orgasmic release. Set your intention to spend time exploring your body, your pleasure and arousal. Where and how would you like to be stimulated? What parts of your body respond to touch? Are there any undiscovered sensitive body parts? In what way do you want to be touched? Is the touch rhythmic, soft tickling or with more pressure? What kind of ambient do you need in the room to respond and get aroused?


Don’t focus solely on your genitals; explore your entire body and ALL your senses, and see if you find new or surprising opportunities for pleasure. Take your time to stimulate your nipples, your ears, your neck area, your feet, or the insides of your thighs – merely for the sensational pleasure. Not everything has to point towards orgasm in order for the experience to be orgasmic.


When you open up in this way, you are likely to discover unexpected ways that turn you on.


2. Explore sexual fantasy

Your mind is your biggest sex organ, because it is inside your mind where your eroticism lives. Start feeding the mental aspects of pleasure. I’m sure you’ve had experiences in which your mind became the blockage in getting aroused with a lover or beloved. And, on the contrary – I’m sure you’ve had sexy thoughts that immediately made your body respond.


Dig into your past experiences to discover what arouses you. What are your sexual fantasies? When you think of some of the best love-making you’ve had – what is it that makes these experiences stand out from the rest? What erotic stories have you read that turned you on? Which sexual scenes from movies are locked in your memory? And why was this so sexy to you? The “why” is key here.


Explore the “why” by answering the questions above in your diary or talk about it to a close friend of yours. Allow the writing or the conversation to guide you into a greater clarity of understanding your sexual fantasies and what turns on your mind.


3. Activate your imagination

Your imagination is one of the greatest powers you have been gifted with. Simply because the mind cannot distinguish reality from imagination. If you truly allow your feeling body to be included in the imagination, the response will be as though it is being experienced in real life.


Have fun with your imagination. Write down a sexual fantasy or story. Be specific about what you see, taste, smell, hear and feel. Include as many elements that arouse you. Describe in detail how you move with your lover or beloved, and describe in detail how you are treated by the other.


This exercise can be especially helpful if your libido has been low, or if you haven’t been in a healthy sexual relation for a while. By directing your imagination, you will be more receptive to allowing these experiences to soon be manifested into your life.



One thing I have learnt from my own exploration of sexuality is that this energy is infinite. Whenever I believe I understand something, it again will take me further. Beyond what I thought I knew I could experience with this powerful energy.


Stay open, keep exploring, be curious, and do the same exercises I mentioned above again and again. Each time you will discover something new. Each time your sexual consciousness will have expanded and will take you into new areas of clarity and arousal.


This is your life force energy, the more you nourish this aspect of your life, the more alive, vibrant, creative and empowered you will feel. It is an essential part of your health and well-being, so start giving it the attention it deserves.


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