Nalaya | Where Do You Belong?
post-template-default,single,single-post,postid-26311,single-format-standard,theme-hazel,hazel-core-1.0.3,woocommerce-no-js,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,select-child-theme-ver-1.1,select-theme-ver-4.2,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-6.4.1,vc_responsive

Where Do You Belong?

Where Do You Belong?

In all of human history there have been wars against “the other”. Wars against the natives, the other religions, beliefs, skin-colours, women – and the list goes on. There is this psychological trick of creating a common enemy that somehow makes people feel more that they belong. The “us against them” that somehow tightens the feeling of “us”.


And here we are again with #blacklivesmatter.


The reason I felt the need to write this is because I’ve always been the supposed outsider. My first immigration took place right after my birth. I grew up in various countries, and even when we would go back to Holland, I felt even more of an outsider because culturally I am not fully Dutch even though it is my heritage.


The sense of belonging is a basic human need. At least it is in my perception. To belong is what gives us a sense of wholeness, connection and drive to live purposeful.


When we stop feeling we belong, we become disconnected, depressed, and are more likely to have a fight or flight response; defend or attack. Which ultimately comes from basic survival instincts.


Exactly that is what I see happening in the #blacklivesmatter movement. There are two responses: the ones who feel they belong, and the ones who feel the need to fight for this sense.




How you choose to view reality, or choose to respond to it is always a choice. You can choose to see separation. Or you can choose to see the inter-connectedness of existence.


It’s what I would call scarcity mentality versus abundance mentality. You either need to be agains something or someone in order to feel more empowered about yourself. Or, you find the bigger picture of which you are part of all.


When I just turned 21 – after having known 13 different homes – the true sense of belonging became my quest. I can assure you that it definitely wasn’t an easy one. Mostly because it is so rare for people to actually truly understand my multi-cultural nature. They prefer hearing I am from Holland, just for the ease of being able to somehow define me.


I no longer feel the need to explain myself, to defend or attack. I no longer feel that any definition of my past is needed to prove who I am. It is such a relief to live this way. To know I belong. To know I am home where I choose to make home. Regardless of my skin colour, cultural background or spiritual beliefs.




Once upon a time in history, before we traveled as much as we do now, people would find their partner within their tribe, within their borders, their religion and culture. It was easy to feel a sense of belonging, because the ethnical imprint naturally did that.


Life is no longer as such, and it hasn’t been for a very long time.


Have you not noticed that never before in history have we mixed skin colours as much as we have now? It’s like we have been birthing new races. And with it new cultures and beliefs to accommodate it.


Love doesn’t care about your ethnic background, it cares about true connection. It’s biology, pheromones and attraction. And together creating that sense of belonging.


So how did we get from that place of oneness consciousness, back to the need for separation?


This war of #blacklivesmatter is a serious deal. But the true question is: how can this fight be fought from the heart? To ultimately make a real change? It seems like that is the goal, and yet the actions and words seem to have the exact opposite effect.




The sense of belonging is available to everyone. It’s a choice to feel secure, a choice to feel connected, a choice to allow the same for the other, regardless of your supposed differences.


You think defending or attacking makes you strong? To me true strength is found in the heart. When you don’t have to reject the other in order to accept yourself more.


Share This:

No Comments

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.